TahirSarahAthar, It is the last apartment on second floor in this building where Tahir was born. It is very sacred to me, and I will visit it one day with you. I hope they are not demolished or anything by that time. Love you!!
Lack of empathy results in “I, Me, and Mine” attitude. It will not change until we start feeling the pain of other individuals around us, and make them feel better by giving the basic respect they deserve as human beings. In Pakistani culture, most of the people have become calloused due to the sufferings caused by unfair social, economic and political system, and, it would be very unfair not to mention the religious mafia, that has caused all kinds of confusions and played a basic role in bringing every aspect of life to the edge of destruction.
So, according to the mainstream, the empathy, respect and affection are not considered as norms. They are to be used only in selective situations. Neither they are taught nor demonstrated as generalized basic human values. All teaching institutions like parents at home and teachers at school have abandoned this important subject. These two are the basic places where characters are shaped and values are taught and polished. I think they really need a real overhaul.
You lied to me Badshah before leaving Orlando in 2002, when you said, “we are visiting Pakistan only for one month. In fact you had a hideous agenda of dumping me there and marrying Farrukh malik, “your mistress”. You knew in a lawless country like Pakistan, I would not be able to do anything.
Mr. Badshah, remember the night at Ghulam Hussain’s house on the roof in June of 2002. I cried, I begged and placed my forehead at your feet so that you wouldn’t dismantle our home. Tahir was seven years old at that time; he was watching, and I am pretty sure remembers everything.
Now, I look back and feel horrible, for I degraded the whole humanity when I placed my forehead on your feet and washed them with my tears, but when I think, I did this only for my babies, for my own blood, for three innocent souls who needed a home with a father and a mother of their own, I realize I did what I was supposed to do. It was not a loss of my dignity; it was a sincere effort to save my home. Although, I knew that everything and every decision had been taken until that time by you and your brother, Habib Badshah, regarding your marriage to Farrukh. In fact planning took place before we all went to Pakistan. Therefore, you didn’t take us back to Orlando USA, instead; you went there alone to sell the house and everything in it. And yes, you took away my green card and passport, so I wouldn’t follow you with the kids.
In Orlando, you put a huge garage sale. Your love for second marriage was so intense; you didn’t think twice while selling my babies’ toys and clothes, my priceless possessions (other stuff had no value to me) I didn’t waste a single paper my Tahir drew or wrote on; I punched holes in every paper and organized in a folder. I am pretty sure that all went into the garbage. It meant nothing to you, but it was the world to me. Of course, we had different priorities.
After getting rid of everything in Orlando, you came to Pakistan and staged a show of which only a couple of people knew, you and your brother Habib Badshah, a Peer, a senior Hazrat (bare hazrat) Everybody else was obeying your orders respectfully without asking any question, because a peer is their bridge to God and heaven. You and your brother were the peers…..
To be continued…
Mr. Badshah, every time, I requested you to give me some respect, you said, “you are not my mother, why should I give you respect??” So Badshah, is this what your Islam teaches you: have double standards_ok, if according to your own words, mother is respectable, why, when it is me, as a mom, you discontinue your self-proclaimed legacy, and tell negative stuff to the kids, so that they hate me.
Mr. Badshah, Tahir, Sarah and Athar do not deserve this; do not tear the fabric of their personality; if they couldn’t love their own mother who else they would love in life. Do not be so selfish Badshah, they are human beings: they need everything human needs, most important, the love of their own mother. I know you hate me, but don’t hate your own kids, and give them what they deserve and what God blessed them with, Let them have what you can’t buy them_ “A Loving Caring Mother,” and that is me. I love them.
Badshah, you know why I am writing this online; I called you like crazy until I had your phone number, then sent you many e-mails, to convince you to let me see and be with my babies, but you never answered, instead, you spread rumors that I left them, and never looked back. As soon as I got here, USA, besides calling you, I requested Javed Mirza’s mother to call and convince you to let me be with my kids. That nice lady talked to you and begged you, but you denied, and first time confessed to them, that you were already married, she told me this in front of Lisa.
Well, when I exhausted all the other efforts, I went online__so, let us talk here. Here, my words won’t be twisted. Here, my thoughts, my feelings for my kids, and facts about you will live long after we are gone. I knew my kids would be ashamed if I write these things online, but, Badshah, you left me with no other option to get my words across.
TahirSarhaAthar, You’ve no clue what happened. You don’t know the trouth, You are kept away from me and people who know the truth, as they might tell you. Now think, why would one do this unless he is lying and afraid of getting cought.
Badshah, you tried your best that east and west do not collide, but there is a limit to, you can control. You are just another coward who kneels infront of powerful, and attacks the weak. You snatched a loving caring mother from your own babies, because you are a selfish moron. This is what your Islam teaches you?? You are a bad example for Tahir Sarah and Athar.
Tahir my son, I had a habit of saving all your old home work, even pictures drawn and colored by you. I punched holes and filed them in the folder with dates. Right now, I have few of your hand writhings_not much. I hold them close to my heart, touch them and cry. I imagine your hands moving the way they used to. I miss you my love. Mr. Badshah, you got rid of everything; either threw away or sold them in garage sale. You have no idea how precious those little things were to me. Well, you did, you saw me treasuring them.
Most of the relations are not abusive in the beginning: Mr. Badshah, in 1987, when you first saw me and were dying to talk to me, who would have thought this man would beat the crap out of me one day. I remember your tears in Pearl Continental Hotel lawn to convince me that you loved me and wanted to spend life with me. I was so reluctant your had you case.
One day, you soaked wet in rain while waiting for me in front of my nursing hostel. You used to stand by the wall across the road with your hands tied behind you: at that time, you never thought, I was low life (powley or whatever) After marriage, you became Hazarat saab (peer) and was low life.
On this day, Tahir you undertook your journey towards life_shortest but the hardest one. I was with you in this ordeal, and in each-other’s company we survived. You did great. I held you in my arms, and touched your cheeks with my pale and weak finger: you were so perfect, beautiful and amazing. I forgot all the physical pains and felt like I was reborn. After that, all the moments I spent with you are blessings for me. I love you my dear son. Happy Birthday!!
I cut the cake for you and took it to the homeless kid’s shelter called “Grace Lending”. I shared my story and your memories. I know it was your cake but I made the decision about sharing it with people who are less fortune. I am sure this will make you feel good too.